We welcomed 2024 on the heels of one bout with food poisoning (Kyle) and one sore throat turned ear infection (me). Before the New Year’s window closes, and with health now thankfully back intact, I wanted to share how we reflected and embraced the “fresh start.”

Our process on paper was straightforward and simple, not exhaustive and deep. I can sense that my writing will expand on some of the bigger concepts below. So, the CliffsNotes version is this.

Individually, Kyle and I each wrote:
• 3 milestones or highlights from 2023
• 5 core values
• 3 personal goals for 2024
• 3 professional goals for 2024
• 1 commitment to ourselves
• 1 commitment to the other person (In other words, I, Cara, wrote one commitment to myself and one commitment to Kyle and vice versa. You can do this with a friend, family member, or anyone close to you. Spouse not required!)

Then, we came together and compiled our thoughts on a poster board, using lots of color (think Glam Pop Sharpie Markers) to add elements of energy and fun.

Simple! No magic. Perfect if you have an aversion to journaling or are currently resisting a dive into internal musings or deep thought.

Be An Animal: A Quick Visit Off Script

In 2023, an excerpt from Writing Down the Bones by the incredible Natalie Goldberg became somewhat of a family North Star. It is the place that I started when I sat down to write my goals and reflections in the New Year. The excerpt continues to hold power and meaning and relevance; I love that I can reshare it here:

When you are not writing, you are a writer too. It doesn’t leave you. Walk with an animal walk and take in everything around you as prey. Use your senses as an animal does. Watch a cat when he sees something moving in the room. He is perfectly still, and at the same time, his every sense is alive, watching, listening, smelling. This is how you should be when you are in the streets. The cat’s mind is not thinking about how much money he needs, or whom to write a postcard to when he visits Florence: he is watching the mouse or the marble rolling across the floor or the light reflecting in crystal. He is ready with all of him to pounce. Now, you don’t have to get down on all fours and twitch your tail. Only be still—some part of you, at least—and know where you are, no matter how busy you are. (Goldberg, p. 90)

Jumping to Core Values

Perhaps the most important thing I did under the guidance of my high-performance coach, Samantha, was identify and define my Core Values. For going on six years, the values I identified at the start of our relationship have continually served to anchor and guide me. The greater real and unexpected impact, however, has shown-up in my internal problem-solving and sense of deep peace.

Problem-solving?

Have you ever gone through a time in your life or encountered a scenario or circumstance that left you in a clear but ill-defined state of unrest? Did you take the time peel back the layers and uncover the source of said discontent or unrest?

I have found that the source is often a disconnect or betrayal of values—principles you hold close and aim to live by and honor. Understand and uncover the source; regain control of the driver’s seat and the ability to identify options for change.

Peace.

Peace! Who doesn’t love a sense deep peace? As athletes and coaches, parents, professionals, rowing-enthusiasts, spectators, mentors, teachers, competitors and peers, we move through the world wanting to give our best and sometimes wanting to be the best.

There is no roadmap. No single answer. No clear or “right” path forward. When I look back on decisions and am tempted by a “would’ve, could’ve or should’ve,” I consistently find calm, peace and rest knowing that I was firmly rooted in my values. Full stop.

Values in 2024

For me, the values that held true and unchanged were authenticity, honesty, health, and growth. What was new (though has been brewing) were connection and service.

Kyle identified family, trust, presence, focus, and patience/understanding/awareness.

And, for the first time in our marriage, we combined brainpower (that’s a joke) and created a list of family core values. Health, family/connection, presence, and honesty/trust came out on top.

The exercise that I did six years ago made such an impact, both in weight and longevity, that I created a Values Clarification Guide for my clients at Be Brave.

Motivated to get clear on your top core values? Click here and I will gift you the guide! (Write “Values Guide” in the text box once you click.)

Milestones and More

One aspect of the New Year’s exercise that was meaningful and simply just cool was how our milestones and highlights crossed paths. Coastal rowing is where one of those intersections emerged. What Kyle named as a highlight—our trip to Spain and Italy—I listed in two distinct parts. Transitioning out of my elite flatwater rowing career: a milestone (or perhaps miracle). And my collective experience with Coastal Rowing: a highlight. “Training in Spain + competing in Barletta + sharing the experience with KS,” is what I wrote.

Personal goals related to plans and commitments for training, having fun with new opportunities and being more intentional with my time. While professional goals revolved around developments unfolding at Be Brave.

With neither of us compelled to do a deep dive, our “exercise,” start to finish, gave us a way to embrace the energy of the New Year, and generate conversation and fun.

Powerful Questions and Limiting Beliefs

One of the new opportunities and plans for training I referenced above includes swimming! Yes, I am back in the pool and am loving it. As a matter of fact, I swam butterfly last week for the first time in 24 years! I share this fun fact with simple excitement. Though I know there are lessons there too: It took me two months of contemplating an attempt at the stroke before I gave it a go. Two months!

Today’s focus, however, relates to the weather, swim parkas and limiting beliefs. I am writing from Florida—yes. And, while it is warmer than in most places in the US, early mornings in January consistently range from the high forties to low sixties. It is cold to stand on a pool deck outdoors in those kinds of temps, especially before the sun has yet to show up.

Enter swim parkas: oversized fleece or faux fur lined hooded jackets that typically extend to the knee. They are designed to keep swimmers warm and are even referred to by SwimOutlet.com as, “a swimmers’ most valued piece of gear” (SwimOutlet.com, n.d., para. 1). Not only are they warm but the easy on easy off makes them practical too.

It crossed my mind to invest in one, and then an interesting line of thinking emerged: “Those are for REAL swimmers,” I heard myself say. Then, “Who do you think you are?” I continued, creating a clear us-them delineation in my head.

Wait… what? We are talking about a coat here! Not to mention, a completely practical and justified possible buy.

A Diversion About Rowing

My mindfulness in the parka moment triggered a relevant memory. It is 2016. I am fresh out of graduate school and a new member at Undine Barge Club in Philadelphia. At twenty-three, wildly self-conscious and feeling like a fish out of water just learning to scull.

I had access to club sculling boats but was advised to buy my own oars. A new set of Crokers was calling me, but I felt hesitant to actualize the purchase. And not because of a lack of finances or income or commitment to my future rowing pursuits. I felt hesitant because I was worried about what my new teammates would think—Who does she think she is with beautiful brand-new oars? —which, I would bet now, was ultimately a reflection of what I was thinking inside.

That was real for me, my friends. Whew!

Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs

So, here is the grand learning. Those thoughts that crept in about the swim parka and new oars… those are reflections of limiting beliefs—false narratives, and stories we tell ourselves or thoughts we hold onto that typically root somewhere deep. The good news is that once we gain an awareness of those thoughts/stories/beliefs, we have the power and capacity to let go.

And thus, an invitation. Grab a pen and your journal, and consider:

When I let go of that thought or belief…

Who does it enable me to become?

What does it enable me to do?

Who else might benefit?

What larger vision does letting go of the thought/belief support?

My New Year’s Wishes for You!

Perhaps it was because of illness-related fatigue and consequent grumpiness. Perhaps it was because of my persistent underlying awareness that life is precious, and things could change (for better or worse) at the drop of a hat. Whatever the reason, wishes for a happy and healthy New Year felt incomplete.

What resonated with me most when the calendar turned was a conversation between Dan Harris and Esther Perel. In a podcast episode called, “Non-Negotiables for the New Year,” Harris asks renowned psychotherapist Perel about the modern epidemic of anxiety.

Harris (2024) notes how, “what’s happened is this diminution… this atrophy in our willingness to be uncomfortable.” Perel responds by examining the pervasiveness of what she calls a type of assisted living. “We have a set of predictive technologies that are telling us how to get somewhere and what to watch and what to listen to and who to date… and every one of these predictive technologies has a goal,” she says (Harris, 2024).

That goal: To remove friction and obstacles and discomfort. To make life polished and smooth.

That has had an incredible effect on levels of anxiety,” says Perel, “because life is filled with uncertainty and discomfort and friction and obstacles. And if you develop a sense that things should be like that, without anything disrupting you, and you get lured into [that belief], when things happen you do not know how to handle it. (Harris, 2024)

With that in the background, my 2024 wishes for you…

May you have the strength, wisdom, patience and tenacity to handle what comes your way… the courage to ask for and receive help when needed… and the fortitude to humbly and audaciously go after your most powerful and meaningful goals.

Love and light, my friends. Cheers to 2024!

Postscript for Curious Minds

I wish I could say that I boldly bought the new Croker oars. I opted instead to buy a used set of Drehers from another member of the club. If you have been following my competitive rowing journey or reading my blog, you will know that bold moves and sheer confidence are skills that I’ve had to diligently work on and learn!

If you missed it above, Click HERE for the Values Clarification Guide! Write “Values Guide” in the text box once you click.

Learn more about Be Brave High Performance HERE! (Expanded coaching and consulting services set to release soon.)

References

Goldberg, N. (2005). Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within. Shambhala Publications, Inc.

Harris, D. (Host). (2024, January 3). Non-Negotiables for the New Year (No 705). [Audio podcast episode]. In Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris. ART19. https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/esther-perel-non-negotiables

How to Choose a Swim Parka. (n.d.). SwimOutlet.com. Retrieved January 14, 2024, from https://www.swimoutlet.com/blogs/guides/how-to-choose-a-swim-parka